


Sam's Purgatory

by JasonMorganfan87



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depressed Sam, Gabriel Lives, Gen, Kidnapping, M/M, Restraints, Suicidal Sam, Suicide Attempt, tough love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2018-08-30 22:18:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8551306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JasonMorganfan87/pseuds/JasonMorganfan87
Summary: Takes place after Dean is sent to Purgatory.  Sam handles things much worse.  Feeling alone and filled with grief after the loss of his brother, Sam takes steps to end it all.  However, Sam soon learns he's not as alone as he thought.  A certain angel returns and has no intention of letting him take the easy way out.





	1. Chapter 1

For the first few weeks after Dean died along with Dick Roman, Sam felt numb. He felt like it hadn’t really happened and that somehow Dean was going to show up. It was much different than the first time his brother died. There was a period of numbness then, but it didn’t last long, maybe because Dean’s death wasn’t so unexpected. They’d known for a year that he was probably going to die. This time, he was just gone in an instant. There wasn’t even a body. It made it seem less real.

Sam wished that long period of numbness could’ve stayed with him. Ne would relish feeling nothing right now. But it faded, just like it had the first time. It just took longer. Now, all he felt was pain. It was worse than anything he’d felt. It even seemed worse than the cage. His brother was dead and it hurt so much that he felt like it would destroy him, that it would literally rip his body to shreds.

Again, this wasn’t like the last time Dean died. When Dean went to hell, it hurt Sam badly, but he was able to captivate more on anger. He had a target to go after, someone who was responsible that he could try to hurt. He had Lilith. Finding and making her pay helped him get through that. It probably would’ve gone away if he’d managed to kill her before Dean was resurrected, but thankfully, he never had to find out.

This time, there was nothing else for Sam to focus and no one left to even help him grieve. Dean was it. Not only was he the most important person in Sam’s life, he was the last one. Now he was gone. Everyone was gone. There was no one left for Sam to turn to. There was no reason for him to go on.

That was what had Sam sitting on the bed of a motel room with a gun in his hand. He knew Dean would hate him for even contemplating this, but he just couldn’t do it anymore. He literally had nothing left to live for and the pain was just too bad. He couldn’t do it anymore.

Sam looked up at the ceiling and did something he hadn’t done for a while. He prayed. “God, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”

With that, Sam raised the gun to his head and prepared to pull the trigger. Before he could though, he felt the gun slip out of his hands. He opened his eyes in surprise and looked around the room. When his eyes reached the door, he saw someone he never thought he’d see again. Gabriel was standing there with the gun in his hands looking less than pleased.

“Have you lost your mind?!” Gabriel asked with a slight growl.

Sam couldn’t bring himself to respond. He was too shocked by the presence of a dead archangel having interrupted his suicide attempt.

Gabriel didn’t wait for a reply anyway. He swiftly walked to Sam’s side and placed a finger to his forehead.

Sam’s eyes rolled back into his head and he passed out.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxx

 

Gabriel appeared with Sam in a bedroom in his house and situated him on the bed. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. He’d seen a lot of things, but Sam holding a gun to his head, about to pull the trigger, shook him. He could only thank his father that Sam had prayed right before he tried to end his life.

Gabriel had been paying attention to Sam’s prayers, not that he really ever prayed anymore. The only time either Winchester prayed now was to get help from Castiel, and that had stopped awhile ago too. But tonight, Sam had prayed for forgiveness. The way he’d done that hadn’t sat well with Gabriel, so he’d come immediately. He had been shocked to see him in the state he did. If he’d arrived seconds later, Sam would be dead. Sure, Gabriel could technically bring him back, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that someone Gabriel cared about, for reasons he didn’t even understand, had almost killed himself. 

The thing was that Gabriel didn’t even understand why this happened. What had had Sam in such a bad state that he was considering killing himself. Gabriel kept an ear out for Sam’s prayers, but he didn’t really pay much attention to what the boys were got up to. He of course knew of the big things going on in the world, like Cas idiotically thinking he could take Daddy’s place and releasing the Leviathans, but he didn’t know anything specific about the boys.

Gabriel decided he needed to know the answer to that if he was going to help Sam, so he brought a hand to the hunter’s forehead and started sifting through his head. It wasn’t long before he saw the final scene with the Leviathans. It appeared that Dean was gone. “I’m sorry, Sam.

It was no wonder Sam had lost it so badly. Sam was deeply attached to his brother. He never handled Dean’s death well. He always self-destructed in one way or another. The last time was with Demon blood and going after Lilith. This time was apparently by ending his own life.

Gabriel shook his head. No way in hell was going to let that happen. Sam would not get to hurt himself with him around. The problem was, in order to stop Sam from hurting himself, he was going to have to take some pretty extreme measures, measures Sam would not like in the slightest. But it wouldn’t be the first time he took such an action. In fact, this would be mild compared to Mystery Spot.

Gabriel snapped his fingers and padded restraints, the same kind they had in mental hospitals, attached themselves to the bed and to Sam’s wrists. He had no idea how Sam would react when he woke up, and while Gabriel was sure he could stop the hunter from killing himself, he didn’t want to take the risk of him hurting himself in an attempt before he could stop him. “Sorry, kiddo. You didn’t really leave me a choice."

With that said, Gabriel turned around and left the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam woke up the next morning to the very bright sun shining through his room. He immediately tried to lift his hand up to block the sun, but found he couldn’t move it. He tried the other hand and had the same problem. It felt like something was holding his wrists down by his sides.

Sam blinked a few times to adjust his eyes and the looked down at his arms. “What the hell?” he asked aloud as he attempted to struggle out of the hospital type restraints that kept his wrists in place. What the hell was going on? Was in the hospital or something.

Sam looked around desperately. It didn’t look like a hospital. It looked like a normal bedroom. It had everything you’d expect. There was an end table on the side of bed. A dresser and vanity off to the said, and what looked to be a large closet, possibly walk-in, across from the bed. It in no way looked like a hospital room. So where the hell was he and why was he tied down?

Sam quickly remembered the events of the night before. They were a little foggy because he’d been drinking, but he remembered what happened. Last night was the night he’d chosen to kill himself. He was about to do it and then Gabriel showed up, and he knew it really was Gabriel. He’d been drinking, but he wasn’t that drunk. Gabriel had done this.

Sam huffed and started struggling once more. So the pintsized angel thought he was going to play another game with him? Lock him up in hospital restraints like they would for suicides on the psych ward? Well, Sam wasn’t playing. This was not funny! “Gabriel! Gabriel, get your ass in here and let me loose!” 

Footsteps could be heard and soon Gabriel leisurely walked into the room. “Morning, Sam. You sleep well?”

Sam glared and balled his hands into fists, jerking them in their restraints. “Your fun’s over, Gabriel. Let me go!”

Gabriel’s eyes darkened. “My fun, huh? You think I find this situation even remotely funny? I walked in to find you with a gun to your head! And it wasn’t some monster holding it there. It was you!”

“What do you care?! It’s my choice! It’s none of your business! Now get these things off!” Sam yelled as he continued to struggle helplessly. God, why couldn’t the bastard leave him alone? All he wanted was for the pain to go away. 

“Well, it’s my business now, and there’s no way in hell I’m going to let you die,” Gabriel said firmly.

“Why? You wanna see me suffer more? What you didn’t get your fill during Mystery Spot? Just let me be! Let me end it!” Sam said with a mixture of pain and anger. 

Gabriel softened slightly after seeing the pain in the hunter’s face. He knew Sam was in a really bad way right now and he knew it wasn’t going to get better anytime soon. “I’m sorry about Dean, Sam.”

“Screw you! You could’ve stopped it! You’ve been alive the whole time! You could’ve dealt with the damn Leviathan yourself! You couldn’t be bothered to get off your ass and because of that my brother’s dead!” Sam said in a cracked voice.

Gabriel didn’t bother defending himself. Sam didn’t really blame him for Dean’s death. He just needed someone to lash out at. So even if Gabriel tried to defend himself, it wouldn’t make a difference. “Look, I know you’re in a lot of pain right now. I know what Dean meant to you.”

“Then let me go! Let me be with him,” Sam begged.

Gabriel shook his head. “No. I know it hurts, but I’m not gonna let you end your life over it. Dean wouldn’t want that either.”

“What does that matter?” Sam asked. Yeah, he knew Dean would hate him killing himself. He knew it as he prepared to pull the trigger. But Dean was dead. It didn’t really matter what he’d think anymore.

Gabriel’s features darkened once more. “You don’t think it matters what he’d want? You don’t think you should respect his memory?”

“Shut up! You don’t know anything about my brother!” Sam yelled. 

“I do. I know that he loved you more than anything else and he would hate to see you like this, needing to be restrained in order to stop you from hurting yourself. But I also know he’d support it if it meant saving your life,” Gabriel said. Dean had pretty much hated his guts most of the time they knew each other, but he knew that Dean would side with him on this one. Whatever it took to save his brother.

Sam shook his head. “He’d kill you for this, just like I will if you don’t let me go!”

“Come on, kid, we both know you can’t pull that one off, even if your hands were free. And I’m sorry, but you’re not going anywhere,” Gabriel said firmly..

“Damn it, Gabriel, let me go!” Sam screamed loudly as he struggled violently in his bounds.

Gabriel shook his head sadly. “I don’t like this anymore than you do. I hate that I have to do this to you, but if it’ll save your life, so be it. Now, the restraints are staying on until you can at least be calm. You decide how long that takes.” He knew Sam didn’t believe him, but he really did hate this, just as much as he hated Mystery Spot. He took absolutely no pleasure in seeing Sam’s pain. But this was the only way he knew of saving his life, and he would weather Sam liked it or not.

The death glare Sam sent Gabriel made it very clear that that wasn’t expected anytime soon.

“Once they do come off, you will still not be leaving this house. You aren’t going anywhere until I’m certain you’re no longer a threat to yourself,” Gabriel informed him.

Sam seethed. “You can’t do this! You have no right to control me like this!”

Gabriel shrugged and began to walk away. He didn’t see the point of continuing the conversation further right now. They had past the point of it being at all productive, so he’d just let Sam be for now to try to calm down some and get used to the new reality

“No! Let me go, you son of a bitch! You can’t keep me tied down like this! Cut me loose!”

“Go ahead, Sam. You rant as loud as you want. It won’t bother me any,” Gabriel said as he continued to walk away. All the while, the hunter was still screaming to be released.


	3. Chapter 3

Two days past had past since Sam found himself trapped at Gabriel’s. He was still tied down and still seething over it. That first day he’d screamed himself hoarse demanding to be released. Then he’d just settled for being downright hostile. He’d hoped that Gabriel would get tired of dealing with him and let him go. No such luck. Gabriel didn’t seem to be bothered at all by him.

Sam tugged at the restraints for what had to be the millionth time in the last two days. They never budged. He’d gotten out of all kinds of restrictive things before, but apparently these things were made to be very sturdy because he never came close.

He had gotten some relief from the restraints in the last couple of days. Gabriel couldn’t realistically keep them on him every second. He would free him to use the bathroom and even to eat, but he watched him like a hawk in those moments and the restraints would go right back on afterwards, despite Sam’s struggles against the archangel. Sam tried every time to fight against Gabriel, but it never worked. His best attempt had been that moment, and it had clearly been a miserable failure. 

Suddenly Sam heard footsteps and turned to see Gabriel standing in the doorway seconds later. “What do you want?”

“It’s about noon. You ready for lunch?” Gabriel asked.

Sam almost said yes just to be released for those few moments, but he really wasn’t hungry. “No.”

“Alright, but you will be eating in the next hour or two,” Gabriel said firmly. He’d meant it when he said he wouldn’t let Sam hurt himself and that included not taking proper care of himself, and Sam had tried. He’d tried to refuse to eat. He’d learned real quick that it wasn’t going to fly.

“Go to hell,” Sam bit out.

Gabriel smirked. “Now I thought you knew the difference between me and Lucifer.”

“It’s hard to tell at the moment,” Sam grumbled as he looked down at the restraints. Okay, even he could admit that was a bit much. Yeah, Lucifer had him restrained most of the time in the cage, but it was for much more sinister purposes. Still, this was torture in its own way too. Well, maybe the restraints weren’t, but being forced to stay in the world without his brother was. 

“Come off it, Sam. Lucifer would do much worse to you, believe me. This is for your own good,” Gabriel said.

Sam huffed. He hated that phrase. He could remember his father saying that a few times in his life and he always hated it. He hated it even worse now. This was not for his own good. The only good thing for him now would be to end his misery. “How long are you going to hold me hostage for?”

Gabriel walked further into the room. “I already answered that question. You’re staying here until you’re no longer a threat to yourself.”

Sam was about to retort with angry remark, but closed his mouth as he thought better of it. Maybe he should go about it a different way. Maybe he could try to convince Gabriel he was ‘recovering’ and get him to let him go.

Unfortunately for Sam, Gabriel saw right threw him. “I see that big brain of yours working overtime, Sammy. Don’t even think you can manipulate me. I will be damn sure before you step one foot out of here.”

“Why are you doing this? Why do you care what happens to me?” Sam asked.

The question made Gabriel uncomfortable because he didn’t truly know the answer to it. He could only say that he did care about Sam. He didn’t know why. It was just how it was. “I care about human life. I’m not going to let you throw yours away."

Sam sighed and gestured to his hands. “Will you please at least let me out of these? You said I had to be calm. I’m calm.”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “Really? You really think I’m going to cut you loose after the stunt you pulled earlier. After you used the bathroom, you tried to tackle me and when I pinned you, you slammed your head into the wall. I don’t even know what you were trying to accomplish with that. I certainly won’t call that calm though.” It had definitely not been a fun morning. Sam had purposely injured himself, forcing Gabriel to use his Grace to bind him and then drag him back to bed. Gabriel had had to leave the room after that to keep himself from throttling him. 

Honestly, Sam didn’t know what he was trying to accomplish either. He knew it wouldn’t kill him or do much damage, except give him a headache and maybe a mild concussion if he hit his head hard enough. He supposed he did it because he was pissed and in pain and couldn’t think of anything else to do.

“Needless to say, you blew any chance you had of getting out of those in the near future. In fact, I have half a mind to leave you in them twenty-four/seven, meaning you don’t get out of them at all until I’m satisfied that you’re improving,” Gabriel said

“You can’t do that!” Sam exclaimed with a horrified expression on his face. He knew what that would mean and he didn’t like it one bit.

“Oh, do not test me, kid. You will not like what happens. You do something like that again, I will snap you up a bedpan, sponge bathe you, and feed you myself,” Gabriel warned. He didn’t want to have to do that, feeling no desire to embarrass Sam that way, but if it was necessary, he would. Seeing Sam hurt himself had not been a pleasant experience. It scared him, almost as much as arriving to see the gun at Sam's head. It made him see just how far gone he was.

Sam stared at him, trying to judge if he meant it. One look and he could tell Gabriel meant every word. “Fine. Now leave me alone so I can fall asleep from pure boredom again.”

“Well, if you’re bored, you and I can have a nice heart to heart,” Gabriel said only half joking. Honestly, he wished the kid would talk to him. He clearly needed to talk to someone.

Sam glared in response. 

“I left you with nothing to do because I wanted you to think about things and try to see that your life isn’t over, but I suppose there’s only so long you can think for,” Gabriel said before snapping his fingers. A large screen TV appeared on a stand across from Sam and a remote appeared in Gabriel’s hand.

Gabriel walked over and placed the remote in Sam’s hand. “You’ll get every channel there is.”

“Thanks,” Sam said grudgingly. He really wasn’t interested in watching TV. He wasn’t interested in much of anything, but looking at the walls all day was getting tedious. And who knew, maybe the TV could distract him from the endless pain he was feeling.

“I’ll be in with food in about an hour or so. If you want it before then, let me know,” Gabriel said before leaving the room.


	4. Chapter 4

Later that night, Sam was absentmindedly watching TV. He wasn’t really into it. It wasn’t as distracting as he hoped. The pain of losing Dean was still as present as ever, only being slightly by how pissed he was at Gabriel for keeping him trapped, not just in this bed, but also in a world he no longer wanted to be in. 

Speaking of, at that moment, Gabriel came in with a couple of plates of food. “Alright, dinnertime, Sammy.”

Sam just grunted in response. 

Gabriel set the plates down on the table by Sam’s bed and then approached the bed. “No stunts,” he warned. He still had this morning’s episode fresh in his mind. The rest of the day had been okay, aside from the miner struggles from the hunter when Gabriel went to refasten the restraints, but that was expected. However, he was still being extra cautious of anything Sam might try.

Sam nodded grudgingly, knowing they wouldn’t be released if he didn’t agree.

Gabriel quickly unbuckled Sam’s hand and then grabbed a plate a food and held it out for him.

Sam sat up so he’d be in a better position to eat and took the plate from the archangel. It was filled with two boneless pork chops, mashed potatoes, and mixed vegetables. The meat was all cut up for him and he had plastic utensils. It wasn’t at all surprising. He hadn’t been allowed to handle a knife or even a metal fork since he got there.

Gabriel took his own plate and sat down in the chair by the bed he’d snapped up days ago. Then as an afterthought, he snapped his fingers and two bottles of water appeared on end table. “So how you doing, Sammy?”

Sam glared at him as he took a bite of his potatoes. He swallowed them before replying. “Crappy! I’ve been tied down and held hostage by a dick archangel.”

Gabriel smirked and replied snidely. “Well, that sounds terrible, but it sounds better than death.”

“Not to me,” Sam mumbled to himself, though he knew Gabriel could hear him.

“Well, I will find a way to be change that,” Gabriel said before taking a bite of his food.

“Yeah, because tying me down helps with that,” Sam said sarcastically.

“My goal right now is to keep you alive. We’ll work on making that a goal for you too,” Gabriel said.

Sam didn’t reply. He just ate his food in silence. 

Gabriel turned towards the TV. “So what are you watching?”

“Don’t know. I wasn’t really paying attention,” Sam said as he placed his now empty plate on the table and grabbed one of the bottles of water. He took a large sip of it and put it back down.

Gabriel snapped both of the dirty plates away and stood up. “You good?”

“Not yet!” Sam half demanded, half pleaded. 

Gabriel sat back down and leaned back in the chair. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll hang out here for a little bit and we’ll leave the restraints off while I’m here, but in exchange, you talk with me.”

“You’re bribing me to talk to you?”

“Yep! What do you say?” Gabriel asked.

“I won’t talk about Dean. I’d rather you put them back on than that,” Sam said.

“You don’t have to talk about Dean. We can talk about anything you want,” Gabriel said. Oh, he planned to work his way up to deceased Winchester, but he’d give that time. Sam would initiate that conversation when he was ready.

“So we can talk about what a dick you are?” Sam asked snidely.

Gabriel smirked and shrugged his shoulders. “It wouldn’t be the first time that was a topic of my conversation with people.”

“Somehow I believe that. How are you alive?” Sam asked. He had wondered that the second he saw Gabriel the night he tried to end it all. His curiosity had diminished by his rage at being held against his will, but since he was made to talk, he figured he’d ask now. 

“I never physically participated in the fight with Lucifer. I was there of course, but he never saw me. Copies all did the fighting. When he stabbed the copy, I made it look like I was really dead,” Gabriel explained. “Lucifer was a smug bastard. He thought he knew all my tricks, but he missed one.”

Sam wondered briefly if Gabriel knew what happened afterwards, if he knew Sam went to hell to stop Lucifer. But that was one curiosity that wouldn’t be satisfied. Aside from talk of his brother, that was the last thing he wanted to discuss. He didn’t even talk to Dean about hell, let alone the archangel he kind of hated right now. Besides, knowing Gabriel, he probably use Sam’s jumping into the pit as another excuse to tie him down if he didn’t already know, like he needed another reason. “Does anyone else know you’re alive?” 

Gabriel shook his head. “Just you, kid. I went right back into witness protection.”

“So where are we?” Sam wondered.

“Pretty much nowhere. We’re in one my realities, so there’s not really any specific place,” Gabriel answered.

Sam sighed. That meant even if he managed to get out away from Gabriel and out of the house, he was still trapped until Gabriel decided to let him go.

Gabriel seemed to be able to tell what Sam was thinking. “You weren’t going anywhere anyway.”

“Great. I’m stuck here with you acting as some sort of therapist,” Sam grumbled.

“Pretty much,” Gabriel agreed. 

Sam snorted. “The ‘therapist’ who killed my brother over and over again and locked me in TV land.”

“TV land was a mistake. I let my issues take over. Dean was right, I didn’t want to face my family, and to avoid it, I did something I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry,” Gabriel said genuinely.

“But not for killing Dean?” Sam asked irritably.

“Killing Dean had a purpose. I was trying to prevent you from going crazy when he eventually went to hell. And he was going to hell, Sam, nothing was going to stop that. I was hoping to stop the rest. But now I realize it was always going to happen, not because it was Destiny, but because of how close you were to your brother. You were always going to crumble at Dean’s death. That became abundantly clear a couple of days ago,” Gabriel said.

“If you realize that then let me go. You know I won’t get past this,” Sam said with pain in his voice. 

“That’s not what I said. I said you were always going to take it hard and do something stupid, no matter how many times I made you live your brother’s death. You were never going to be able to just let him go and move on so easily. But that doesn’t mean you can’t get through his death with help. You won’t get over it, but it will get better,” Gabriel promised.

“It won’t. Just let me go, please. It hurts so bad! Just let me make it stop!” Sam practically begged. He hated sounding so desperate in front of Gabriel, but it just hurt so bad, especially after talking about another time in his life where his brother died and he was forced to deal with the debilitating pain.

“Okay, I think we’re done talking for now. You’ve had enough,” Gabriel said as he stood up and approached Sam. He didn't want to get the kid too worked up, so it was best to end the conversation now before he got further upset.

“Don’t!” Sam yelled as began to inch away from the archangel, knowing full well it would do no good.

Gabriel gently but firmly took him by the shoulder and pushed him all the way down onto the bed. He then took a hold of his wrist.

“Please, stop!” Sam begged as he struggled as hard as he could to get his wrist free.

Gabriel forced himself to ignore the hunter’s pleas and with little difficulty managed to restrain his wrist once more. He then reached over and did the same to the other one. Once he was done, he remained leaned over Sam. “I’m sorry, Sam. I know it hurts, but I’m not going to let you throw your life away. Let me help you get through this. I promise you, you’ll be okay. It won’t be like this forever.”

“Get out!” Sam yelled.

Gabriel sighed and stood up. “I will get you through this, Sam, whether you like it or not,” he said before heading out of the room.


	5. Chapter 5

Gabriel led Sam towards the stairs after letting out of bed to use the bathroom and shower. It had been about two weeks since Sam had tried to bash his head into the wall and there had been no incidents since then. Gabriel had decided that maybe it was time to Give Sam a bit of freedom. 

Sam was surprised when they bypassed the room he’d been staying in and instead headed for the stairs. “You’re not locking me back up?”

Gabriel gave him a small smirk. “You want me to?”

“No,” Sam said quickly.

“I’m giving you a chance,” Gabriel said as the made it down the stairs. He turned to the left, leading them both into the kitchen.

Sam looked around. The kitchen was very spacious and looked kind of high scale. There were marble counter tops and high-tech equipment. A large dining room table sat at the other side of the room by the window and back door.

Gabriel led Sam to the kitchen table. “Sit down here while I make breakfast, alright? Then you and I will talk and discuss ground rules.

Sam did as he was told and looked at the door. Normally, he’d have bolted the second Gabriel’s back was turned, but he knew such a thing was useless. The door probably wouldn’t even lead anywhere given that he was in an alternate reality, and even if it was in the real world, Gabriel would still be able to stop him pretty easily. He was an archangel. The only thing he’d accomplish was getting himself tied to the bed again. No, he’d have to play Gabriel’s game for now, no matter how much he hated it.

He really hated it, and not just because he wasn’t left alone and allowed to end his suffering like he wanted. He also got pissed off everytime Gabriel tried to dictate his moves, like just a second ago forcing him to sit down and telling they would be discussing rules. Sam was an adult. He had a right to make his own decisions, even if that decision was to die.

Sam must have been silently fuming for a while because the next thing he knew, Gabriel came over with a couple of plates filled with scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast. 

“Eat up, Sammy. I get us some juice,” Gabriel said.

“Stop calling me that. Only Dean got to call me that,” Sam grumbled.

“Alright, fine,” Gabriel said. A few years ago he probably would’ve ignored the request and called Sam what he wanted anyway, but with Dean gone, he could understand why it would bother Sam for him to call him something that Dean did. He would respect the hunter’s wishes.

Sam grunted and started digging into the eggs. Grudgingly, he had to admit that Gabriel was pretty good in the kitchen. Everything he made came out pretty good. At first he thought the archangel just snapped it up, but that obviously wasn’t so.

Gabriel came over a second later with two glasses of orange juice. He put one in front of Sam and the other by his own plate. Then he sat down. “Alright, here’s the deal. Like I said, I’m going to give you a chance. I won’t tie you down anymore, but you have to agree to a few things. First, don’t expect much time to yourself. I will be watching you very closely for a while.”

“I’m not a child!” Sam bit off.

“You’re a danger to yourself and I’m not going to allow you the chance to hurt yourself. Speaking of which, I have removed any object that I believe could be used as a weapon, such as knives and razors, but should you find another method and try to hurt yourself with it, you will be tied down again and you will not be released for a long time. Am I clear?” Gabriel asked sternly. He didn’t like having to control Sam’s every move, but it was necessary right now. He was fighting for Sam’s life right now. He would use every method he had to.

Sam nodded unhappily. “How long will this go on for?”

“Until I’m satisfied. I suggest you get comfortable though. I have the feeling it will be months before I am. Now, there’s something else I’d like you to do. Those talks we’ve been having after dinner, I want those to continue,” Gabriel said. He’d kept up the conversation at night with Sam in exchange for time off the restraints. Obviously the bride no longer had any effect, but he hoped Sam would agree.

“Is that a stipulation?” Sam asked.

“No. I won’t restrain you if you don’t agree. The restraints were to keep you safe, not compliant. It’s your choice whether or not to talk to me, but I’d like you to. I think it’s the only way you’ll heal,” Gabriel said.

“I don’t want to heal!” Sam growled.

Gabriel sighed. “You’re not going to kill yourself, Sam. I’m not gonna let it happen. So you may as well make an attempt with me. I know it won’t seem like it at first, but talking about it will help you.”

Sam glared at him. “Yeah? Will talking bring my brother back? Because that’s the only kind of help I’m interested in.”

“No, unfortunately, I can’t bring your brother back because there’s nothing of him left to bring back. But let’s be honest, this isn’t just about Dean. Maybe he was the last straw and even the majority of the reason, but there are other things. You’ve been suffering for yours. First your girlfriend dying, then losing Dean the first time, the demon blood, going to Hell… It has all twisted you up,” Gabriel said. He honestly wished he’d intervened sooner. Maybe it wouldn’t have gotten so bad if he’d done something.

“So you know about Hell? Sam asked as he started munching on a slice of bacon.

Gabriel’s eyes darkened slightly. “Yeah, and you’re lucky I didn’t strap you to a bed then. I probably should’ve. If anything proves that you’re self-destructive, it’s jumping into the damn cage. So what do you say about talking with me?”

Sam wanted to tell him to go to hell with that idea, but he figured he should just do it. He had no delusions that it would be any help, but maybe it would at least make Gabriel think it was helping. “Fine,” he said before turning back to his food.


	6. Chapter 6

Sam found the next week to be annoying to say the least. True to his word, Gabriel had kept him on a very short leash. He supposed it could've been worse. It wasn't like the archangel followed him around every second. He was allowed to leave the room without Gabriel, but not for very long and he had to give a detailed itinerary of everywhere he went and for what reason. He felt like a little kid who couldn't go five minutes without some kind of supervision.

It pissed Sam off even further that Gabriel didn't need to keep this kind of watch over him. Gabriel was an archangel. He would know the second Sam tried to hurt himself and could heal him. Hell, he could bring him back if he wanted. Boy, it had been a depressing day when Sam remembered that fact. Even if he managed to get away for five minutes and off himself, Gabriel would just bring him. If Sam was going to kill himself, he was going to have to get Gabriel to let him go first and then find some way to do it that Gabriel couldn't revive. 

Of course, all that depended on Sam getting Gabriel to believe he was 'better', which was not going so well since Sam's acting skills lacked right now. He just didn't appear to have it in him at the moment to pretend things were okay. They weren't. His brother was dead and he just wanted to join him.

Sam's thoughts were soon interrupted by Gabriel's voice. They were currently sitting in the living room. Sam was on the couch and Gabriel was a few feet to his left on the love seat. “Sam? You okay?”

“Fine,” was all Sam said.

“You looked like you checked out for a second. I asked if you were ready to talk,” Gabriel said. They'd just finished dinner and moved back into the living room. It was a daily routine. Once they finished eating, they went into the living room and talked for a while.

“Whatever,” Sam said.

“Okay. You wanna start by telling me what you were just thinking about?” Gabriel asked. 

“I was thinking you were an asshole,” Sam retorted. It was partially true. He was certainly thinking about how much he hated the archangel.

Gabriel nodded. “Yeah, I can see why you'd think that. I mean, I am trying to save your life. How horrible.”

Sam glared. “I never wanted to be saved!”

“But you're going to be anyway,” Gabriel said with a smile.

“You could at least loosen the reigns a bit. It's not like you wouldn't know if I tried to do something. You could save me easily,” Sam said.

“True, but I'm no more keen on you hurting yourself than killing yourself. So, no, my hold on you is staying right where it it,” Gabriel said firmly. “Shall we move along?”

“To what?” Sam asked. 

“How about something happy. You wanna tell me about a point in your life that was happy?” Gabriel asked.

Sam actually had to think and search for such a time. There wasn't much happiness in his life. Sure, there were days here and there, mostly thanks to Dean, but that wasn't what Gabriel was asking. He was asking about a period in his life that was actually happy for the most part. He couldn't think of a time when he was truly happy with no blemishes, but he could think of when he was the closest to it. “Stanford's probably as close as I came.”

“Why's that?” Gabriel asked.

“You know why. I mean, you know almost everything about our lives, at least before the apocalypse. You know I never wanted to hunt. I wanted a normal life. I finally got that when I went away to school. Even that though, it wasn't what you're asking for. It wasn't perfect. I had to give up things to get it,” Sam said.

“Nothing's perfect,” Gabriel pointed out. 

“No, but it's different for other people. They don't have to give things up to do something so normal like going to school. I had to give my family up for it. My dad wouldn't accept my decision to go. He disowned me for it. Dean was better, but he hated it too. I don't think he ever forgave me for it,” Sam said sadly. 

“There shouldn't be anything to forgive. It's not wrong to want to further your education,” Gabriel told him. 

“Maybe not in normal families, but it was in mine,” Sam said sadly. 

Gabriel really wanted to stick with this topic of conversation, but he knew if he tried to delve much further into Sam's childhood issues right now, the hunter would shut down, so he decided to move on. “So you were happier when you left for school?”

“Yeah, to a certain extent, happier than any other time at least,” Sam said.

“You were studying law, right?”

Sam chuckled slightly. “Yeah. Ironic given how much me and my family have broken it It was all really a pipe dream. I just didn't realize it then. I thought I could have it.”

“You should've been allowed to have it,” Gabriel said. He really would love to give his brothers a beat down for taking so much from this man. If there was anyone who deserved to have a good life, it was Sam Winchester. That had been taken from him just because he was unlucky enough to be born into the wrong bloodline.

“Yeah, well, it's because of your brothers that I couldn't. They're dicks, every last one of them,” Sam said bitterly.

“All of them, huh?” Gabriel asked. He'd caught that wording. In the past, Sam probably would've exempted Castiel from that list, but he hadn't this time. It made him think that Sam had some resentment for Gabriel's youngest brother. Not that Gabriel could blame him for that. 

“Yeah, all of them. Or should I say, all of you?” Sam asked with a glare, making it clear that Gabriel wasn't exempt in his opinion either.

Gabriel shrugged in response. “They've done a number on you. They certainly broke all your preconceived notions about them.”

Sam snorted. “You think? Angels were supposed to help people. They're supposed to be the good guys! Instead, they tried to destroy the world! They ruined our lives!”

Gabriel was becoming convinced that Sam blamed angels for everything that happened the last few years. He blamed them for Dean's death, or at least one specific angel anyway. Again, Gabriel couldn't blame him.

“I don't wanna talk anymore,” Sam said before turning away and shifting so that he was laying down, essentially ending the conversation.

“Okay,” Gabriel said before grabbing the remote and turning on the large screen TV that was against the wall in front of them.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam walked out into the kitchen at around three in the morning. He'd woken up not too long ago from a dream about Dean and couldn't go back to sleep, so he decided to go grab a glass of water. He'd just opened up the cabinet and grabbed a glass when he heard a familiar voice.

“What are you doing?” the wary voice of his captor asked. 

Sam turned and huffed at Gabriel in annoyance and held up the glass. “I was planning on breaking the glass and mutilating myself with one of the shards,” he said sarcastically.

Gabriel crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared. “Unless you want to find yourself restrained to the bed again, I suggest you don't say things like that, even as a joke!”

“I was getting a glass of water, alright?” Sam asked before pushing past him and going to the fridge. He pushed his glass against the water dispenser and watched it fill up.

“Everything okay?” Gabriel asked. He knew it wasn't great. He'd heard Sam shoot up from the nightmare he was having and then toss and turn for a bit.

“Fine, though I know how I could be better,” Sam said, not even bothering to elaborate. He knew Gabriel would know what he meant. 

“Well, your definition of better is different than mine. You wanna talk about the dream that's keeping you up?” Gabriel asked, already sure the answer would be no.

“I think it's a little early for our little therapy sessions, not that I don't love them,” Sam said snidely before taking a sip of his water. 

“It could help you go back to sleep,” Gabriel said. Of course, he knew he could also physically help Sam sleep by putting him to sleep, but he was hesitant to do that. Sam needed to deal with his demons. It was the only he would get well.

“Maybe I don't want to go back to sleep,” Sam said before walking over to the table and sitting down in one of the chairs.

Gabriel sat down next to him. “Was it that bad?”

Sam sighed. “I relived my brother's death! Happy?”

“Not particularly. Sam, Dean's death isn't your fault. You know that, right?” Gabriel asked. He knew Sam blamed at least one other, but he wasn't sure if he also blamed himself. He knew that people tended to blame themselves when bad things happened. That was especially true with the Winchesters boys and even more especially with Sam. Sam seemed to hold himself responsible for everything that went wrong.

“Oh, yeah, I'm well aware of that. I know exactly who's to blame for Dean's death,” Sam said with a sneer. He'd gone over it many times. He knew who was responsible, and if he could, he'd kill him for it. But you couldn't kill what was already dead. 

“You blame Castiel,” Gabriel stated. It wasn't a question in the slightest. 

Sam looked at him. “What would you say if I did?”

“I'd say you're right,”

“He's your brother,” Sam pointed out. 

“That' doesn't mean I can't recognize that he was a dick,” Gabriel said. He had a soft spot for Castiel and hated that he was gone, but that didn't mean he couldn't see things for how they were. Cas was responsible for Dean's death, which meant he was also responsible for Sam's pain. Gabriel would throttle the idiot if he was there 

“Yeah, I blame him! He released the Leviathans! It's his fault my brother's dead!” Sam growled. 

Gabriel nodded.

“I've tried not to judge him for the rest, but that...”

“The rest of what? You mean not telling you about Michael and the others wanting the apocalypse to happen?” Gabriel asked confused. He didn't know Sam held that against Cas. That seemed to be water under the bridge by the time he met up with them. 

Sam scoffed. “No, I don't care about that. It was years ago and I did worse to start the apocalypse. I mean after that, when he raised me from the cage with no soul and then later tore my wall down.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Gabriel asked. He knew nothing about Sam having no soul or anything about a wall.

“You didn't know about that? You knew about Hell,” Sam pointed out. 

“Yeah,” Gabriel said. He did know about Hell. He'd been planning to try to find a way to pull him out without also pulling Michael and Lucifer out when he got word that Sam was already out. He'd heard the hunter pray to Castiel for answers. After that, he'd decided to let the Winchester's be and stay out of things. He just figured it was better that way. “I didn't know anything since after you returned. Well, except for the Leviathan thing. When the creatures Dad locked away in Purgatory get out and start wreaking havoc, it's kind of hard not to know about it.”

“Why didn't you do anything to help us? You knew the whole time,” Sam said.

“Why? Because that was Castiel's mess and he ought to have been the one to clean it up,” Gabriel said in a hard tone. At this point, he did wonder if things would be different if he'd intervened. Both their brothers might be alive and Sam wouldn't be in so much pain. But at the time, he was just so pissed at his brother for being so stupid and felt no reason to fix things for him. “So what were you talking about? What happened after Hell?”

“Cas pulled me out of the cage, but he made a mistake. He only pulled my body out. My soul was still trapped in the cage. It was there for over a year.

Gabriel's face turned to a mixture of shock and horror. “That's impossible. If your soul was down there for that long, it would've been practically destroyed. You wouldn't even be standing upright. You certainly wouldn't be having a coherent conversation with me right now. You'd be trapped in memories, not even able to tell reality from whatever it was you'd be seeing in your head. And that's the best case scenario.”

“Oh, trust me, I know. Dean made a deal with Death to retrieve my soul and then place a wall up in my head to keep me from remembering Hell,” Sam said.

“So that's the wall you were talking about. And Cas took it down?” Gabriel asked in a dangerously low tone. If he thought he was angry before, he was downright murderous now. His brother was lucky he was dead because Gabriel was sure he'd do far worse than kill him if he were alive.

Sam nodded. “He wanted us out of the way while he turned himself into the new God.

“Little dick head!” Gabriel growled.

“Like I said, I tried not to judge him on that. I didn't think I had the right to after the things I did,” Sam said.

“The hell you didn't! You had every reason to judge him, Sam. He caused you pain! He could've left you in insanity. In fact, how is it that you are still sane?” Gabriel asked.

“I wasn't. It slowly drove me crazy. Lucifer was everywhere. It was so bad that I could never sleep and eventually had to be locked up. Dean finally found Cas, who had been resurrected again and brought him to help me. He somehow shifted my insanity to himself,” Sam explained.

“Well, that's wonderful,” Gabriel said flatly. He wasn't about to give his brother credit for that. He'd fixed the damage he created. He cleaned up his own mess. He got no points for that. 

“I tried to let it go after that. Dean seemed to let it go. It was over for him because Cas made it right,” Sam said quietly.

Gabriel could tell that bothered Sam, but he decided not to press the hunter on it. He wasn't going to respond to any kind of insinuation that Dean had done something wrong, not when the pain of losing him was still so raw. “You have every right not to let it go. Castiel wronged you in many ways.”

“I hate him. I can look past everything else, but not Dean's death. He killed my brother.”

Gabriel nodded that he understood.

“How can you stand to listen to me say these things? I would be pissed if anyone talked about how horrible they thought my brother was, especially now that he's dead. How are you even any better off than me. Your brother's dead too,” Sam pointed out.

Gabriel sighed. He understood why Sam was so confused on the matter. He probably seemed like he didn't care that Cas was dead. A large part of him did care. He felt sorrow when he heard his brother was dead, but he'd been too focused on helping Sam to really dwell on it. Also, his anger helped. He had been pissed at Cas for creating this mess in the first place. Now he was even more pissed at the seraph. “Well, I hadn't really had a relationship with any other angel in several centuries. Maybe that makes it easier. Plus, it's Cas' own fault he died, so my anger about that helps too.

Sam just shrugged in response. “I think I'm going to go back to bed now.”

Gabriel nodded and watched him get up and leave.


	8. Chapter 8

Sam walked out of his room after getting dressed for the day and headed downstairs.  It had been almost two months since Gabriel had brought him to his house and kept him under near constant watch.  Since then, Sam remained determined to get away and finish what he started.  He had to be smart about it though.  He had to make Gabriel think he was getting better, which wasn’t easy, as it was hard for him to pretend he didn’t hate everything about his life since Dean died.  But he believed he was finally there.  Well, close enough anyway.  He couldn’t pretend things were perfect, but he believed he had Gabriel fooled enough to believe he was making progress.

Sam went downstairs and walked into the kitchen.  He found Gabriel by the stove getting ready to make breakfast.

Gabriel turned to Sam.  “Hey, kiddo.  You’re up and dressed pretty early.  I was just about to start breakfast.  You wanna give me a hand?”

“Uh, actually, I was thinking that maybe we could go out for breakfast or something.  You know, back on Earth,” Sam sad.  This was the moment that would determine if he’d been convincing enough lately.  Hopefully Gabriel would trust him enough to take him back to Earth.  If he could get that far, he could come up with a plan to get away from Gabriel.

“No,” was Gabriel’s immediate response.  Sam had been doing better lately, but not so much that Gabriel was ready to chance him being out in the real world.

Sam wasn’t giving up so easily.  He’d been prepared for that initial response.  “Please, Gabriel.  I gotta get out of here for a little while.  I’m crawling the walls.  I need a change of scenery.  I need to be around other people.  Just an hour.  Please.”

“I don’t think you’re ready,” Gabriel said.

“Well, I can’t stay locked up here forever.  I have to get used to being out in the world again sometime.  I promise, I won’t do anything,” Sam lied.

Gabriel sighed.  This was totally and a hundred percent against his better judgement.  He had a bad feeling he was going to regret it.  But he had to start giving Sam some leeway eventually.  “If I agree to this, you will not leave my side the entire time, got it?”

Sam nodded.  “Yeah.”

“I’d be showing you quite a bit of trust.  If you throw it away, and I find you haven’t progressed nearly as much as I thought, we go right back to square one.  Do you understand?” Gabriel asked.

“Yes, I understand,” Sam said.  Essentially, if he got caught, he would be tied down again.

“Would you like to just forget the idea of yours for the time being?” Gabriel asked.  If this was some kind of ploy, he wanted to give Sam an out.  Honestly, he felt he should still just say no, but he wanted to give the kid the benefit of the doubt.  He considered just briefly looking into the hunter’s mind, but he didn’t want to do that.  It was one gift he didn’t like using. 

“No.  I promise, I won’t do anything,” Sam said as convincingly as he could.

Gabriel sighed and placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder before teleporting them both out of the house.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxx

 

Gabriel and Sam sat in a small diner waiting to be served.  Gabriel was still quite a bit worried about this venture.  He honestly wasn’t sure how this was going to end.  Sam had started to improve, but it hadn’t been that long since he tried to kill himself.  Sure, two months seemed like a while to many, but it wasn’t for someone who had the issues Sam had.  Sam was very much still a danger to himself.  But as long as Gabriel kept Sam close, it should be okay.  That’s what he told himself anyway.

Sam sat across from Gabriel equally worried.  He had a plan to get away from Gabriel so he could do what he’d wanted to for months, but he knew if he was stopped, he would lose every bit of freedom he’d gotten in the last couple of months.  He had to make sure he succeeded.

Sam did feel a little bad about what he was about to do.  He shouldn’t.  Gabriel had essentially kidnapped him and locked him up for two months.  He should hate him for that, and a part of him did.  But he also knew Gabriel was doing all this to save his life.  Unfortunately, Sam didn’t want to be saved.

“You okay, Sam?” Gabriel asked.  He could tell the kid was deep in thought, and it worried him a little more.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Sam said.

Just then, the waitress came over.  “Hi.  What can I get you guys this morning?”

Sam looked at the waitress.  She had short blond hair and looked to be in her late twenties or early thirties.  He couldn’t help thinking that the woman was someone Dean would be hitting on if he were here.  He could practically see his brother’s grin and hear the pick-up lines.

“Sam, you gonna order?” Gabriel asked.

“Uh, I’ll take the blueberry pancakes,” Sam said. 

“I’ll have the chocolate chip pancakes.  Make sure you load up on those chocolate chips please,” Gabriel said.

“Sure.  I’ll have that to you soon,” the waitress said before walking away.

Gabriel turned to Sam, who now had a sad look on his face.  “You alright?”

Sam nodded.

“Dean?” Gabriel asked.  He was sure this outing was reminding Sam of his brother.  The Winchester boys spent a lot of time in diners like this.

“I was thinking that the waitress is Dean’s type.  He’d be working on getting her number if he here.  But he’s not.  My brother’s dead,” Sam said.

“Do you wanna leave?” Gabriel asked

“No, I’m fine.  I have to get used to doing things without Dean,” Sam said.  The last part was said as another attempt to get Gabriel to think he was improving.  The truth was that he was even more determined to get away and end things.  Today was proof that life without Dean wasn’t going to get any better.  He would just be miserably missing Dean for the rest of his life.

“You sure?  We can try again another time,” Gabriel said.

“No, I’m okay.  Uh, but I need to use the bathroom.  I’ll be right back,” Sam said before getting up.  This was the moment.  He had to do it now. 

“Don’t think so, kiddo.  I told you, you don’t leave my side.  I’m coming with you,” Gabriel said as he rose from his seat.

“Come on, Gabriel, I’m not gonna do anything,” Sam lied.

“It’s not up for discussion, Sam.  Come on,” Gabriel said before leading the way to the bathroom.

Sam followed.  He quickly and discreetly grabbed a knife off of one of the empty tables that hadn’t been cleaned yet and put it in his pocket.

Gabriel stopped at the Men’s room and opened the door to go in. 

“Will you at least wait outside?” Sam asked.  He had to convince Gabriel to let him go in by himself or there was no way he’d be able to pull this off. 

“It’s not like I haven’t see you go to the bathroom before,” Gabriel said.

“Please.  There’s nothing in there that’s dangerous,” Sam tried.

Gabriel sighed and peered inside the bathroom to make sure Sam was right about that.  He found that he was.  There was nothing in there Sam could use to hurt himself.  There wasn’t even a window he could use to leave from.  “Alright, go on.”

“Thanks,” Sam said before walking inside.  He immediately took out the knife he’d taken.  He wasn’t planning to use it to kill himself.  He had to be far from Gabriel for that and find some way to make sure the archangel couldn’t simply bring him back.

Sam took the knife and cut his hand.  He immediately smeared it into the wall and started drawing the angel banishing sigil.  He stopped hesitantly when it came to using it.  His guilt at tricking Gabriel came back.  Plus, he wondered if the banishment sigil actually hurt the angel it banished.  He didn’t want to hurt Gabriel.  He just needed to get rid of him.

It only took thoughts of Dean to strengthen his resolve.  He slapped his hand on the sigil and watched it light up.  Tentatively, he let go and walked out of the bathroom.  Gabriel was nowhere to be seen.

Sam sighed in relief and walked out.  He immediately headed towards the diner exit.  It probably wouldn’t be long before Gabriel made his way back.  Sam couldn’t be there when he got back. 


	9. Chapter 9

After being banished from the diner, Gabriel found himself back at his house in the dimension he created. He'd made it so that if he ever banished, this was where he'd end up. Otherwise, he could end up anywhere in the universe.

Gabriel slammed his hand down angrily into the kitchen table. "Damn it!" Sam had tricked him, and he'd helped him do it. He knew it was a bad idea to take the kid out right now. Sam had obviously been planning this the whole time.

Gabriel couldn't believe how stupid he'd been. He should've known something like this would happen. Sam would do whatever it took to get away from him. He knew that. He'd just wanted to believe Sam was improving. But he wasn't. It was painfully clear now that Sam hadn't improved even a little bit. Now he was out there planning to kill himself again.

Well, Gabriel wasn't going to let Sam kill himself. He would find him and bring him back, or if he couldn't find him in time, he'd revive him and bring him back. And Sam would not be happy when he did bring him home.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

After leaving the diner, Sam got himself a car and drove to Bobby's house. Well, what was left of it after the Leviathans were done with it anyway. He decided it was fitting that he should die there. It was the closest thing to home he and Dean ever had.

Sam still had the problem of finding a way to kill himself without Gabriel being able to bring him back. Figuring that out was no easy task. But he'd had days to think about it on his way to Bobby's, and he thought he had an answer. If he could destroy his body, there'd be no way to bring him back. At least, that was what he was hoping. It was a gamble, but it was the only way he could think of.

Sam was just about to get started when he heard a car pull up. Then he heard footsteps, followed by a familiar voice.

"Who's in there? This is the sheriff."

"Jody?" Sam asked as he walked outside.

Jody walked over to him. "Sam? What are you doing here? This place is condemned."

"Yeah, I know. I just needed to come. This was like my home when I was a kid," Sam said.

"Where's Dean?" Jody asked.

Sam flinched at the mention of his older brother. "He… He's dead."

Jody gasped and brought her hand to her mouth in shock. "Oh my God. How did it happen."

"The Leviathans They t…took him with him," Sam said in a cracked voice.

Jody went over and hugged Sam. "I'm so sorry, Sam."

Sam hugged her back for a minute and then pulled away.

"No wonder you came here. With Bobby's death not that long ago too, you probably needed to be somewhere were you felt close to both of them.

Sam nodded. "This place is definitely that. Dean and I spent a lot of time here as kids. Well, until my old man pissed Bobby off and he threatened to shoot him."

Jody laughed. "Well, I can certainly picture Bobby doing that. Listen, Sam do you need anything? I can't imagine losing two people you loved in such a short amount of time is easy.

"I'll be okay. I just need some time to myself," Sam said. He meant it. He would be okay, just as soon as it was over. He would end it all and be with his family again. Everything would be okay then.

"I understand. Just don't spend too much time around here and be careful. I don't imagine this place is too safe these days. In fact, I'm surprised it hasn't fallen apart even more already," Jody said.

Sam nodded. "I'll be careful, Jody. It was good to see you again," Sam said.

"You too," Jody said as she gently touched his arm. Then she headed back to her car and left.

Sam waited until she was gone and went back inside. There was a thing of gasoline on the ground. This place was going to take one more fire. Hopefully, it would take his body with it.

Sam doused the place in gasoline and then took out some matches and a knife. He intended to be dead be dead by the time the fire would kill him. He might want to die, but no part of him wanted to be burned alive. He would cut his wrists and then wait until he was

Sam had just brought the knife to his wrist when a hand roughly grabbed the knife holding the knife. Sam looked up and saw Gabriel looking non too pleased. Sam immediately twisted to get out of the archangel's grip.

Gabriel used his other arm to grab the hunter around the middle and then brought them both down to the ground. Meanwhile, Sam still held onto the knife in his hand. "Drop it."

"No! Let me go!" Sam yelled as continued to struggle. He knew it was useless, but he couldn't stop trying.

"I said drop it!" Gabriel said in a hard tone. He applied just a little more pressure to his wrist until Sam dropped the knife.

"No!" Sam yelled and continued to flail to get free.

Gabriel effortlessly held the hunter to him and crossed a leg over Sam's to effectively pin him down. He then just sat there as Sam struggled. The kid would stop eventually, and then he'd take them home.

"Let me go, please," Sam begged.

"No, kiddo. You're not going anywhere, but home with me," Gabriel said gently.

"Please! Everyone is dead. I'm alone. Just let me be with them," Sam cried. His struggles began to slow as he started to tire.

"Shh. That's not true. I care about you more than you can understand. I promise, I won't leave you," Gabriel promised.

Sam fought for a couple more minutes and then sagged against the archangel in defeat.

Gabriel placed two fingers to Sam's forehead to put him to sleep and then he flew them both home.


	10. Chapter 10

The next thing Sam knew, he was waking up in his bed at Gabriel’s.  He looked down at his hands briefly and groaned when he found the padded restraints encircled around his wrists.  He couldn’t really say he was surprised.  He’d been warned that this would happen.  Honestly, he wasn’t even really that angry about it.  He was more upset about the fact that he’d been so close to getting what he wanted only to be stopped.

Sam just laid there in his own despair for a while.  He didn’t bother calling for Gabriel.  The archangel wasn’t going to release him, and Sam didn’t really feel like talking to him.  He just wanted to be left alone if he couldn’t leave this world like he wanted.

Soon though, Sam’s stomach began bothering him, and it only got worse by the minute.  Ten minutes later, it started to get unbearable.  “Gabriel!”

Footsteps were soon heard, and Gabriel walked into the room looking non-too-pleased.  After getting Sam back, the fear and worry went away, and anger and frustration took its place.  “What is it, Sam.  The restraints aren’t coming off, so don’t even ask.”

“No, it’s my stomach.  I feel sick,” Sam said with a groan.

Gabriel walked over and placed a hand on Sam’s forehead.  He quickly scanned him for illnesses.  He had no fever, but Gabriel found that his stomach was completely empty.  “When’s the last time you ate?”

“Dinner, the night before I got away from you,” Sam said.

“Damn it, Sam!  That was three days ago,” Gabriel said irritably.

Sam shrugged.  “I didn’t see the point.”

Gabriel huffed.  “I’m gonna make you some soup and you eat it, do you understand?”

“I can’t,” Sam said.  He felt so nauseous.  The idea of food made him want to throw up, even though there was nothing in his stomach to throw up.

“I know it seems that way, but you can.  You’ll feel better when you do,” Gabriel told him before heading out of the room.

Sam groaned and laid there in misery for another good five minutes.  He now regretted not at least having some food in the last few days.  He hadn’t expected to be alive to face the consequences though.

Gabriel finally came back with a bowl of soap and a bottle of ginger ale.  He put the bottle of ginger ale on the table by the bed and pulled up a chair.  “Come on, sit up.”

Sam did so.  The restraints gave him enough leeway so that could sit up some, but he couldn’t do much else.  For instance, he wouldn’t be able to feed himself this way.

Gabriel got a spoonful of soup and brought it up to Sam’s mouth.

“Can you just…?”

“No.  Open,” Gabriel shut him down.  He truly didn’t enjoy this.  He took no pleasure in humiliating Sam this way, and he knew it was humiliating to be spoon fed.  But Sam had proved that he was worse off than even Gabriel realized.  He couldn’t trust him with even the slightest bit of freedom right now.  The kid had nearly stabbed himself and then set himself on fire.  No, Gabriel wasn’t going to take any chances.

Sam sighed and reluctantly opened his mouth to accept the food.  It was beyond embarrassing to have to be fed this way.  The food itself was good though.  He had to admit that Gabriel was right earlier when he said that food would make him feel better.  He still didn’t feel the best, but it was better than before. 

Gabriel fed him about half the bowl when he noticed Sam start to grimace when came time for the next bite.  “You, alright?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think I can I can eat anymore,” Sam said.

Gabriel nodded and put the bowl down.  He then grabbed the bottle of ginger ale, opened it and brought it up to Sam’s lips.

Sam opened his mouth to accept the drink and took a couple of sips before turning away from it.

“I’m gonna have you try some more food in a couple of hours.  We’ll do small, frequent meals for a couple of days,’ Gabriel said.

Sam nodded and laid back down.  He watched Gabriel get up and start getting ready to leave before calling out to him.  “Did I hurt you?”

Gabriel stopped and frowned.  “When?”

“Back at the diner.  Did it hurt you?” Sam asked.

Gabriel’s face became hard.  “Well, being banished isn’t pleasant.”

“Sorry.  I didn’t want to hurt you,” Sam said.

“No, just yourself,” Gabriel said in a tone that made it clear that Sam’s statement didn’t make him feel better.  Honestly, he couldn’t care less about whatever discomfort he felt from being banished.  It was what Sam tried to do to himself that bothered him. 

“You know how I feel,” Sam said. 

“I thought you were getting better.  I guess that was just part of your plan, huh?  Trick me into thinking you were improving so I’d take you out?” Gabriel asked.  He should’ve realized that was what Sam was doing.  He knew from the beginning Sam would do whatever he had to to get away from him.  Honestly, a huge part of Gabriel did know Sam was playing him.  It was why he was so uneasy about taking the hunter out of the house.  He supposed he just wanted to believe he was wrong.

Sam nodded.  At this point, he had nothing to lose by being honest about it.  Gabriel wasn’t going to cut him lose anytime soon either way. 

“What did you think you were going to accomplish, Sam?  Did you really think I wouldn’t bring you back if you killed yourself?” Gabriel asked.

“That’s what the fire was supposed to be for,” Sam said.

A look of realization hit Gabriel’s features.  “Ah, right.  You thought if your body was burned badly enough, it might stop me from being able to revive you.  Let me tell you something.  Your body could be torn to literal shreds and I’d still be able to bring you back.  It might take a little longer, but I could.  As long as there is just a sliver of your DNA that I can access, I can and will bring you back.”

“Why?  Why can’t you just leave me alone.  I just want to be with Dean.  I have nothing here anymore, “ Sam said near tears. 

“You’re wrong.  You can have a good life, even without Dean, if you let yourself.  I intend to make you see your life matters, no matter what it takes,  I will not stop fighting for you,” Gabriel said firmly.

“Yeah, well, then you’ll be fighting a lost cause,” Sam said before laying down and turning his head away from Gabriel.

Gabriel sighed and left the room.


End file.
